The Loneliness of Outgrowing People: When Healing Means Leaving Folks Behind
We know that growth isn’t just about working on yourself-it’s also about the people you surround yourself with. As you evolve, you might start to realize that some relationships no longer fit. It’s tough. It can feel like losing a part of your past, but making space for new, healthier connections is part of the journey.
That said, we need to talk about how we let go. Too often, we take a “cut them off” approach that leaves unnecessary damage in its wake. We ghost, we block, we pretend people never mattered-unless it’s a romantic relationship, in which case we often handle things with more care. But if we don’t learn how to part ways with respect, we risk ruining valuable connections and burning bridges we may one day need. Let’s get into what it really means to outgrow people and how to do it with grace.
1. The Emotional Toll of Realizing Some Friendships and Family Dynamics No Longer Work
As we grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, we start to see how certain relationships hold us back. A friend you used to vibe with might now drain your energy. Family dynamics might feel misaligned with your priorities. That realization is hard. It can feel like losing a part of yourself, a version of you that belonged in that space. But real growth means stepping away from what no longer serves you, even when it hurts. It’s okay to grieve the past-it’s part of the process.
2. The Guilt of Choosing Yourself When Others Expect You to Stay the Same
It’s normal to feel guilty when you realize you have to choose yourself over others, especially when they expect you to remain the same person they’ve always known. This guilt often stems from a fear of letting others down, but it’s essential to recognize that prioritizing your growth isn’t a betrayal—it’s a form of self-care. Relationships change, and that’s okay. Choosing yourself doesn’t mean rejecting others, but rather honouring the person you’re becoming. As hard as it may be, it’s important to give yourself permission to evolve, even if it means outgrowing people along the way.
3. How to Gracefully Distance Yourself from Relationships That No Longer Align
Distancing yourself from people who no longer align with your values doesn’t have to be dramatic or painful. The key is to approach these changes with grace, compassion, and clarity. Be open with those you’re distancing yourself from. Acknowledge what they’ve brought to your life and express your gratitude for those moments. Then, gently explain that you’re focusing on your own growth and need space to continue your personal journey. Honesty is essential, but so is kindness. It’s possible to honour the past while embracing the future, without burning bridges.
4. The Beauty of Creating Space for New, Aligned Connections
While letting go can be painful, it’s also liberating. By clearing space in your life, you allow room for new relationships that are more in line with the person you’re becoming. These new connections are likely to be more aligned with your values, passions, and goals. They will encourage and challenge you to grow further, creating a supportive environment where you can thrive. Remember that the right people will find their way into your life when you make room for them. The beauty of personal growth lies in the way it naturally draws in the right people who resonate with your authentic self.
5. Learning That Solitude Is Sometimes Necessary Before Finding True Community
The process of outgrowing people often leads to a period of solitude. This period of being alone might seem daunting at first, but it’s essential for rediscovering who you are at your core. Solitude gives you the space to reconnect with yourself, understand your values, and reflect on the kind of relationships you want moving forward. It is through this time of introspection that you’ll build the foundation for deeper, more authentic connections. Embrace the stillness. It’s in these quiet moments that you’ll come to understand what true community feels like and be ready to welcome it into your life.
6. Pushing Through Self-Doubt
Let’s talk about imposter syndrome. That little voice that says, “Who do you think you are?”—yeah, it’s lying. The only way to silence it is to take action. Confidence comes from DOING, not waiting until you feel ready.
The reality is, no one has it all figured out. The difference between those who succeed and those who don’t is that successful people take action despite their doubts. You belong in every room you step into. Own it.
Actionable Step: Whenever self-doubt creeps in, remind yourself of a time when you succeeded at something you were scared to do. Let that be proof that you can do hard things.
7. Prioritizing Your Well-Being
Chasing your purpose should feel energizing, not draining. Make sure you’re checking in with yourself and setting boundaries. Rest, recharge, and remember—you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and face masks (though those are great too!). It’s also about protecting your peace, saying no to distractions, and making space for joy. Burnout isn’t a badge of honor—your purpose should add to your life, not take away from it.
Actionable Step: Schedule in self-care just like you would a work meeting. Whether it’s therapy, journaling, or simply getting enough sleep, taking care of yourself is a non-negotiable.
Conclusion: Your Purpose, Your Rules
Your purpose isn’t about perfection—it’s about alignment. It’s about feeling good in your own skin and making choices that bring you joy. You don’t have to wait for the perfect moment to start—you just have to take the first step.
The most important thing? Give yourself grace. Your journey is uniquely yours, and there’s no deadline for finding your passion. What’s one thing you can do today to move closer to your purpose? Go do that. You got this!
Love and power,
Velma Carter Centre